I would like to share some important information and knowledge based on my experience with having a child with Asperger’s Syndrome.  The basic areas affected in these children are their social skills, communication, repetitive routines, understanding, rationalization and reasoning. My experience in raising my daughter has been quite a challenge, but with awareness of what we are dealing with, and understanding of how much and the kind of support that child needs, we can all help. Information and support are important to help these children in decreasing their feelings of worthlessness and to build their self-esteem.

I know that for me it has been very helpful every time our daughter does something small to give her the praise for doing a great job.

What follows is an article from a group called O.A.S.I.S.  This article was originally written as a guide for teachers but has been adapted as a guide for both parents and teachers on dealing with children with Asperger’s Syndrome.

We are Stephanie‘s parents. Our child has been diagnosed with Asperger‘s Syndrome (AS), which is a neurobiological disorder on the autistic spectrum. Children with AS may have difficulty using and understanding nonverbal behaviors and developing appropriate peer relationships, in part, because their interactions often lack spontaneous exchange. While they often have keen interests and skills in certain subjects, they also may have a great deal of difficulty with organization. AS children may appear to lack in empathy, have difficulty with sensory issues and very often strongly rely on routine.

Children with AS have many strengths. However, many of the behaviors you will see are NOT under his or her control, and they are not a result of malice or willful misbehavior. At times our child simply does not innately know how to appropriately respond.

Below are some behaviors you may see, either as a parent at home, or as teacher in the classroom, and some suggestions on ways to react to these behaviors.

General Behaviors

• This syndrome is characterized by a sort of "Swiss cheese" type of development: that is, some things are learned age-appropriately, while other things may lag behind or be absent. Furthermore, children may have skills years ahead of normal development (for example, a child may understand complex mathematics principles, yet not be able to remember to bring their homework home).
• It is important to remember that just because the child learns something in one situation this doesn‘t automatically mean that they remember or can generalize the learning to new situations.
• Children with AS react well to positive and patient styles of teaching.
• Generally speaking, an adult speaking in a calm voice will reap many benefits
• At times, a child may experience "meltdowns" when nothing can help behavior. At times like this, please allow a "safe and quiet spot" where the child will be allowed to "cool off" Try to take note of what occurred before the meltdown (was it an unexpected change in routine, for example) and it‘s best to talk "after" the situation has calmed down.
• When it reaches a point that things are going well, it means that we‘ve gotten it RIGHT. It doesn‘t mean that the child is "cured," "never had a problem" or that "it‘s time to remove support." Increase demands gradually.
• The child may have vocal outbursts or shriek. Be prepared for them, especially when having a difficult time. Also, please let the other children know that this is a way of dealing with stress or fear.
• When you see anger or other outbursts, the child is not being deliberately difficult. Instead, this is in a "fight/fright/flight" reaction. Think of this as an "electrical circuit overload" (Prevention can sometimes head off situations if you see the warning signs coming).
• The child may need help with problem-solving situations. Please be willing to take the time to help with this.
• For teachers: When dividing up assignments, please ASSIGN teams rather than have the other children "choose members," because this increases the chances that the child will be left out or teased.
• Note strengths often and visually. This will give the child the courage to keep on plugging.
• For teachers: Foster a classroom atmosphere that supports the acceptance of differences and diversity.

Perseverations

• The child may repeat the same thing over and over again, and you may find this increases as stress increases.
• It is more helpful if you avoid being pulled into this by answering the same thing over and over or raising your voice or pointing out that the question is being repeated. Instead, try to redirect the child‘s attention or find an alternative way so he/she can save face.
• Allowing the child to write down the question or thought and providing a response in writing may break the stresses/cycle.

Transitions

• The child may have a great deal of difficulty with transitions. Having a picture or word schedule may be helpful.
• Please try to give as much advance notice as possible if there is going to be a change or disruption in the child’s schedule.
• Giving one or two warnings before a change of activity or schedule may be helpful

Sensory Motor Skills/Auditory Processing

• The child has difficulty understanding a string of directions or too many words at one time
• Breaking directions down into simple steps is quite helpful
• Using picture cures or directions my also help
• Speaking slower and in smaller phrases can help.
• Directions are more easily understood if they are repeated clearly, simply and in a variety of ways.
• The child may act in a very clumsy way; she may also react very strongly to certain tastes, textures, smells and sounds.

Stimuli

• The child may get over stimulated by loud noises, lights, strong tastes or textures, because of the heightened sensitivity to these things.
• With lots of other kids, chaos and noise, please try to help the child find a quiet spot to which he or she can go for some "solace."
• Unstructured times may prove to be the most difficult for the child. Try to help provide some guidance and extra adults help during these more difficult times.
• For Teachers: Allow the child to "move about," as sitting still for long periods of time can be very difficult (even a 5 minute walk around, with a friend or aide can help a lot).

Visual Cues

• Some AS children learn best with visual aides, such as picture schedules, written directions or drawings (other children may do better with verbal instruction)
• Hand signals may be helpful, especially to reinforce certain messages, such as "wait your turn," "stop talking" (out of turn), or "speak more slowly or softly."

Interruptions

• At times, it may take more than few seconds for a child to respond to questions. She or he needs to stop what he‘s thinking, put that somewhere, formulate an answer and then respond. Please wait patiently for the answer and encourage others to do the same. Otherwise, the child will have to start over again.
• When someone tries to help by finishing the child’s sentences or interrupting, he or she often has to go back and start over to get the train of thought back.

Eye Contact

• At times, it looks as if a child is not listening to you when he or she really is. Don‘t assume that because the child is not looking at you that you are not being heard.
• Unlike most of us, sometimes forcing eye contact BREAKS a child with AS concentration.
• The child may actually hear and understand you better if not forced to look directly at your eyes.

Social Skills and Friendships

• Herein lies one of the biggest challenges for AS children. They may want to make friends very badly, yet not have a clue as to how to go about it.
• Identifying 1 or 2 empathetic students who can serve as "buddies" will help the child feel as though the world is a friendlier place
• For Teachers: Talking with the other members of the class may help, if done in a positive way and with the permission of the family. For example, talking about the fact that many or most of us have challenges and that the AS child‘s challenge is that he cannot read social situations well, just as others may need glasses or hearing aides.
• Students with Asperger‘s Syndrome may be at greater risk for becoming "victims" of bullying behavior by other students. This is caused by a couple of factors:

1.   There is a great likelihood that the response or "rise" that the "bully" gets
       from the Asperger child reinforces this kind of behavior
2.   Asperger kids want to be included and/or liked so badly that they are reluctant
       to "tell" on the bully, fearing rejection from the perpetrator or other students.

Routine

• This is very important to most AS children, but can be very difficult to attain on a regular basis in our world.
• Please let the child know of any anticipated changes as soon as you know them, especially with picture or word schedules.
• Let him know, if possible, when there will be a substitute teacher or a field trip occurring during regular school hours.

Language

• Although the child’s vocabulary and use of language may seem high, AS children may not know the meaning of what they are saying even though the words sound correct.
• Sarcasm and some forums of humor are often not understood by the child. Even explanations of what is meant may not clarify, because the perspectives of AS child can be unique and, at times, immovable.

Organizational Skills

• The child lacks the ability of remember a lot of information or how to retrieve that information for its use.
• It may be helpful to develop schedules (picture or written) for the child.
• At school: Please post schedules and homework assignments on the board and make a copy for him or her. Please make sure that these assignments get put into his backpack because he can‘t always be counted on to get everything home without some help.
• If necessary, allow the child to copy the notes of other children or provide him or her with a copy, Many AS children are also dystrophic and they are unable to listen to you talk, read the board and take notes at the same time.

For futher information, see: The OASIS GUIDE TO ASPERGER SYNDROME by Patricia Romanowski Bashe nd Barbara L. Kirby (Crown, 2001).

Written by the Members of the OASIS Asperger Syndrome Forum
Complied and Edited by Elly Tucker

Used by permission by Barbara L. Kirby, Administrator of OASIS (www.aspergersyndrome.org)

Debra Thomas, who submitted this information, is a stay-at-home mom and a mother of two daughters, one of whom has Asperger’s Syndrome. She has been working very hard to build her daughter’s self-esteem, and puts in much time doing so and helping her in many ways. Her hobbies include writing poetry, and she is in the process of writing a book and getting it published. Because of all her time involvement and the challenges she faces, she has gained excellent insight and experience with Asperger’s Syndrome and is most willing to help other parents.

Additional editing by Shari Landes